the way I see it.

I'm sitting here, and I want to scream at the top of my lungs.

I get like this every once in a while where it just kills me. I see someone looking at someone like they're the one person in life that can make them smile like that. I used to want to capture that, as a photographer.

What am I living for? The desire for something that never comes doesn't fade though I ask it to be taken from me, and I keep finding myself liking men that would never be interested in me, and at twenty-four when you've never been in a relationship, and you're sitting there asking when? and your question isn't answered...

some days, the frustration is too much to handle... too much to keep in... and sometimes escaping it is the only way that I can get through it. and escaping it is the last thing I need... escaping the feeling that you're a big failure.

and still letting the lie hurt you when you know it's a lie isn't so hard to do, because even if you admit to yourself it's a lie, it's still something that gets to you...

God, I am so tired of waiting... I'm so tired of this; I feel so inadequate, so unworthy. I know these are lies, lies from the pit of hell, but they permeate so deeply because they are seemingly demonstrated in my life all the time... I'm never what anyone is looking for... and I'm never what they need. The lie that there is no man out there who could or will love me, it's so deeply rooted, and it's so there. I have yet to be pursued, and the older I get I keep asking why? where? when? and it's so damn frustrating, and you know it. I keep asking for your provision of patience for your peace about this... I need you God! I need to not feel unrequited... To not feel like I'm here, alone, forever.