Today, I feel old.

Now, feeling old isn't normal for a 24 year old. But today I've been thinking about it and maybe it has something to do with watching Brad Paisley's video of "Welcome to the Future." Maybe it has something to do with the fact that my friend since third grade has been married for 2 1/2 years and is expecting a baby boy this November right before I myself turn 25. Or maybe it's the fact that I've been at the same job since I was 18, and not really anything has changed? But I feel old!

I'm not though! That's what's so crazy!

I definitely am in agreement that my life isn't where I thought it'd be when I just graduated from high school, but then, who can actually say that their life turned out exactly as they expected it to when they were in high school? I've come to know and respect the fact that the best laid plans are always the ones that are the first to die. They are the first that wind up crashing and hitting the ground the hardest.

As a teenage girl you can hope that by the time you're twenty-two you'll have fallen in love at least once. Then you turn twenty-two and the man of your dreams still hasn't showed up. You keep getting older and just enjoying yourself, and there are guys that come a long and make you think twice. I have to admit that for all my complaining, and I do a heck of a lot of complaining, I'm okay being single, and I say a lot too that I really wouldn't know what to do if I were in a relationship because my independence is such a huge part of who I am that it would probably kill any relationship I were ever in.

I've never been happier than I am at this moment though!!!

When I woke up this morning the scale said I'd dropped 65 pounds!!! It's really hard for me to wrap my head around that concept. I don't feel like a different person, but I know I look like one. I'm still really insecure about what I look like, even though there's not a day that goes by that someone doesn't tell me how great I look. My confidence is definitely boosted by that fact, but for some reason there's still a disconnect there, and I don't feel so great half the time... I just don't feel pretty, or even skinny... yet that's what everyone tells me. And for the record, it's something all women deal with, no matter how skinny or gorgeous they are. I've had friends that are beautiful women, size two women say "I feel fat," and I'm not going to go into it, but I'm pretty sure that it has a lot to do with the things that society sticks on women, the pressures to always look amazing. I guess one day I hope that we can all just be okay with who we are and accept ourselves for who we are minus the facts of our size, or if we have a man in our life... I think that's how I started losing so much weight... I started to be okay with myself, not to say that I don't still struggle with those feelings.

so I really hope that makes sense.